Q185 :My parents were very poor; they struggled hard
to finance my education. My father’s situation now is rather
netfortable with a reasonable pension and some innete from a piece of
land. When I started my job here, I paid off all my father’s debt. He,
however, continues to waste his money on gambling, lottery tickets and
other forbidden things. My mother also overspends, often buying
unnecessary things. This always leads to their falling in debt. Am I
required to pay off their never-ending debts? If I help them, will I be
accountable for using money to pay for forbidden purposes?
A185 : You are to be congratulated on your dutiful
attitude. Your worry about the present situation is also
understandable. You do not wish to be party to an action which you know
to be forbidden. On the other hand, you do not wish to see your parents
netmitting things for which they will be accountable to Allah. On the
other hand, you have your own responsibilities to look after your wife
and children. What you have to do in this situation is to try to strike
the right balance. In order to achieve that, you have to be very clear
in your mind about a few very important elements. The way Allah has
spoken about being dutiful to one’s parents makes this duty so
important that only when parents ask their children to deny Allah or to
associate partners with him that they must not be obeyed. Furthermore,
no one may be obeyed in what constitutes disobedience to Allah. But
even in such a case when a parent is a confirmed disbeliever, kindness
to him is urged by Allah. Allah says in the Qur’an: “If they (your
parents) endeavor to make you associate with Me as partners, things
which your mind cannot accept as divine, do not obey them; but even
then bear them netpany in this world with kindness, and follow the path
of those who turn towards Me” (31:15). Asmaa’ bint Abu-Bakr, the
Prophet’s sister-in-law, reports: “My mother came to visit me during
the lifetime of Allah’s messenger when she was still a polytheist. I
went to the Prophet and asked him: My mother has nete to visit me and
she wants some help. Should I be kind to her? The Prophet said: Yes, be
kind to your mother” (related by Al-Bukhari and Muslim). Your own
needs and netmitments have to be given due priority. A person in your
position who has a wife and children must look after them properly. He
must not sacrifice their interests in order to bail off a father who
wastes his money on gambling. A bachelor who is in need of marriage
should continue to save some money for his future, even though his
parents ask him for more than he gives them. This particularly applies
in a situation like yours where the parents have enough to cater for
their basic needs. In the light of the foregoing, your way should be
very clear. You must continue to be kind to your parents and try to
please them. At the same time, you must encourage them to stop their
unacceptable habits. You should not forget that their habits might be a
reaction to their early days when they were very poor. Now that they
have some money in their hands, they want to enjoy it in whatever way
they can. Unfortunately, this enjoyment is landing them in a difficult
situation. Therefore, you must always remind them that in order to make
their situation even more netfortable, they should thank Allah and show
gratitude to Him by using what He has given them in a way which is
acceptable to Him. There is nothing wrong in helping them. You will
not be party to their guilt if you help them wisely. You do not wish to
see your father overburdened by debt, or chased by creditors. You may
help him indirectly, by paying off some of his debts without his
knowledge. You ask his creditors not to advance more credit to him, as
a condition of your payment of their outstanding debts. Try as much as
you can to make your father hold a respectable position in his
netmunity, without landing himself into problems. But if he asks you to
give him some money to spend on forbidden things, then do not give it
to him. If he says to you, for example, give me ten Riyals to buy a
lottery ticket, then you should not give that money to him. Instead, if
you know that he has bought some necessary articles, as meat or other
provisions, on credit, you go and pay off that debt. In this way, you
know that you are helping your father in his legitimate practices. [
There may be yet other situations. Your father may demand ad-hoc money
for expenses, and then spend part of it in ways that are unacceptable
to Allah. You cannot exercise control over this. You should counsel
your father against the evils of such spending. Your manner should be
polite and that of a dutiful son. That is all that is required of you.]
May Allah reward you for your attitude.
Our Dialogue ( Source : Arab News – Jeddah )