Q345 :Are only arranged marriages permissible in
Islam? What does Islam say about prospective couples falling in love
before they agree to marry? This is indeed what happens in most cases
in my country.
A345 : When we speak of what sort of marriage is
permitted in Islam, we are actually speaking of a process in which two
persons are united in wedlock. This process, which represents the
actual marriage does not look at what has happened between the man and
the woman before they nete forward with their request to get married.
An agreement must exist between them, otherwise no one can force them
to get married. The marriage itself requires a netmitment by the bride,
or her guardian who acts for her, and an acceptance by the bridegroom.
This is how we describe the actual marriage contract. The woman’s
guardian says to the bridegroom : I am marrying you my daughter (or
other woman) whose name is so and so for such and such a dower, etc.”
That represents the netmitment. The bridegroom must accept verbally by
saying : “I agree to marry your daughter, etc.” This technical part has
nothing to do with the relationship that may have existed between the
two parties. If by”arranged” marriage you mean that the marriage
happens after discussions between the two families, in which
prospective partners are fully involved, then this is the sort of
marriage Islam encourages. It gives marriage its serious character
which enhances its chances of success. A marriage which netes about
after a love relationship may not be as glamorous or romantic as it
sounds. There are two issues involved here. The first is the
relationship which exists between a man and a woman before the marriage
takes place. This differs according to traditions and customs
prevailing in a particular society. In Eastern societies, the love
relationship most probably remains confined to an idealistic and
romantic exchange of expressions of love. The girl is keenly aware that
she must maintain her chastity and her lover will, in most cases,
consider himself responsible to preserve the honor of the girl he
loves. Nevertheless, they will try to meet, often in secret, and steal
a moment of ecstasy when they express their longing for the moment when
they can be united in marriage. While their feelings toward each other
may not be reprehensible, if they are not involved in anything sinful,
what they actually do may not be allowed in Islam. It is not
permissible for a man and a woman to be alone in a closed room if they
are not related. When two lovers meet, there is a burning passion
within them which may lead them to netmit a sin. Hence, it is not the
feeling which may be the subject of disapproval, but what may nete
about as a result of such a feeling can be subject to strong censure.
In Western societies, everything is allowed between a man and a woman
within marriage and before it. That is certainly unacceptable from the
Islamic point of view. Islam has a highly serious moral outlook and it
takes every precaution to preserve it. The other point which is
involved is what may be loosely termed a love marriage and its chances
of success. It is a fact of life that when two people are in love, they
tend to overlook each other’s faults. Every one of them thinks the
other to be perfect. When they are married and they have to face life
together, they begin to see each other’s faults. Everyone of us has his
weaknesses and points of strength. When we approach marriage in a
careful, objective manner, we are more likely to be aware of what we
are bargaining for. When our approach is that of love which blinds us
to the faults of the beloved, we stand a greater chance of regretting
what we are doing. In many Western societies, where love is the primary
factor which unites people in marriage, more than one third of
marriages end up with divorce. A high percentage of marriages do not
last more than two years. In Islamic societies, where the Islamic
approach to the marriage is largely followed, the percentage of
discontinued marriages is much lower. That testifies to the wisdom of
the Islamic approach.
Our Dialogue ( Source : Arab News – Jeddah )