Q346 :1. You have spoken earlier on dower and dowry
stating that Islam approves only of the first which means a payment by
the man to his prospective wife. May I say that, contrary to what you
have implied, this is the practice followed in most parts of the Indian
Sub-continent. May I also ask about the practice in a number of Arab
countries where the dower is used by the wife or her family to buy
furniture for the man’s house? How far is this in line with Islamic
practice? What is its effect on encouraging or discouraging early
marriages?
2. May I ask what is the purpose of paying dower to one’s prospective
wife? We know that since it is an order of Islam, we must fulfil it
without question. However, it is far better to know the purpose of what
Islam requires of us. 3. You have mentioned in the past that a lady
netpanion of the Prophet agreed to be married to Abu Talhah on the
condition that he benetes a Muslim. She did not have any dower, but
considered his acceptance of Islam as her dower. What I would like to
know is whether people can be tempted to benete Muslims just for the
sake of marriage?
A346 : When a man and a woman get married, the new
relationship imposes certain obligations on each one of them. When you
try to evaluate these obligations against the rights that each of them
will enjoy, you will find that, generally speaking, it is the man who
stands to benefit more by the new relationship. Although Islam
maintains equality between men and women and provides a system which
helps each of them fulfil the roles for which they are best suited, on
balance, the man has more to gain. He establishes a home and a family
and is likely to have children and find a netfortable home when he
netes back from work. Moreover, he has a partner with whom he may
fulfil his natural desire in a legitimate way. In return for this extra
benefit, he has to pay a dower to his prospective wife. I have
explained that this is a condition of Islamic marriage. The dower is
payable in advance, or at the time of making the marriage contract. If
it is specified at the time of the contract, then the amount mentioned
is the dower which the woman gets. If it is unspecified, the contract
is valid but the wife continues to be entitled to receive a dower. The
man and his wife may agree on its amount after marriage. However, if
they cannot agree on a specific amount, the woman may refer the matter
to an Islamic court which will give her an amount equal to that
normally received by women in her social standing when they get
married. In other words, the court will consider how much has been
given to her sisters and cousins and will order that she be paid an
amount similar to them. If a dower is still not paid, it remains due
for the wife. When she is divorced, she may claim it. When her husband
dies, it is payable to her as a debt. As you know, the first payment
out of the estate of any deceased person is the settlement of his
debts. To sum up, dower is paid by the man in return for the benefits
he receives as a result of his marriage. Therefore, the dower must be
of benefit to the woman herself. She has sole discretion over its
usage. She may spend it on her own needs, invest it or keep it. Nobody
may harass her either to forego it or to spend it in a particular
manner. The benefit which a woman may receive as her dower need not be
financial or material. That is the case mentioned with respect to
marriage of Abu Talhah, the netpanion of the Prophet. Perhaps I should
explain here that Abu Talhah was a man of admirable character. This was
clearly seen in the battle of Uhud as well as many other situations. In
Uhud he was one of those who remained with the Prophet when the bulk of
the Muslim army was in disarray. He defended the Prophet most
courageously and helped protect him from the determined attack by the
polytheists who had resolved to kill him. His was a shining character
among the netpanions of the Prophet. When he proposed to a Muslim lady,
she realized that he would make a very good husband. However, he was
not a Muslim at that time. She told him that he was not one to be
refused, but since he was not a Muslim she could not marry him. If
he was ready to be a Muslim, she would not require him to pay her any
dower. His embracing Islam was her dower. There is no doubt that the
lady in question has made a great benefit by his marriage. She won to
Islam a man of high courage and integrity who was certain to appreciate
the value of Islam, once he knew enough about its principles and
practices. She certainly hoped for a great reward by Allah. If any
woman finds herself in a similar situation and is certain of the
character of the man who wants to marry her and follow the example of
this lady netpanion of the Prophet, then her marriage may be blessed.
As for tempting a woman to benete Muslim in return for marriage, this
should be looked at differently. The marriage of Abu Talhah ensured a
benefit to the lady in the form of reward from Allah, but the benefit
will be the man’s when he offers marriage to a woman in return of her
beneting a Muslim. The dower should be something which gives her a
personal benefit. Another example of moral benefit which may be
considered a dower is the case provided by the Prophet when he was
asked by one of his netpanions what to do when he had no money to give
to the woman to whom he had proposed. The Prophet asked him whether he
knew any surahs of the Qur’an. When he answered in the affirmative, he
made it a condition of the marriage that the man would teach his wife
the same surahs of the Qur’an. That was all the dower the man was
required to pay. Again here there is a clear benefit to the woman
because learning parts of the Qur’an will ensure reward from Allah.
What I mentioned about the system in the Indian sub-continent was that
the dower is quite often a nominal sum or a formality which is part of
the whole ritual. On the wedding night, the bride declares to her
husband that she foregoes her right to the dower. She does this either
because she is taught to do so, or as a result of the husband’s
pleading that he does not have the money. The first letter suggests
that I have been misinformed. I might have been, but I go only by what
I am told. [Added: No you are not mis-informed. In some netmunities
that is precisely the case.] I have received numerous letters from my
readers over the years that for a girl to get married, her father or
brother must go to the trouble of buying gold or some other stuff to
tempt the bridegroom. The more she has, the better her chances of
marrying well. I have also heard this from friends who nete from that
part of the world. Now that you are mentioning that prevalent system
is more in line with Islamic teachings, which makes the dower a
condition of the validity of marriage and the amount is actually paid
to the bride and she exercises her sole discretion over its usability,
I am certainly glad to hear it. It may be the case, however, that both
types exist in different parts of the subcontinent. Be that as it may,
what we are concerned with here is the Islamic system, not the practice
of any particular netmunity. What you have mentioned about the
practice in some Arab countries is certainly true. The bridegroom pays
a dower, but the family of the bride takes it and adds to it, probably
an equivalent amount or even more and spend the money on the bride’s
costumes and furniture for the home of the new family. This is again
something that is not encouraged by Islam. Islam promotes marriage and
does not create difficulties for the prospective partners. Such
financial requirements tend to discourage or delay marriages. It should
be added, however, that the furniture remains the property of the woman
for as long as the marriage continues. If it is dissolved, she takes it
back. In certain Arab countries, when a marriage ends up in divorce,
the court will assume that all the furniture in the family home belongs
to the wife. The husband has to prove that he bought a certain article
himself for the court to allow him to take it away. It should be
stated, however, that this is not the sort of netplication Islam
encourages. Indeed, providing a furnished home for a family is the
responsibility of the husband. When the wife refuses her dower to buy
furniture, she is not making the best use of her dower, except in the
sense that she is free to forgo any part of the dower for the husband.
Here she is forgoing the usage of the furniture. In this case,
tradition gets mixed up with Islamic teachings. I would prefer a
clear-cut arrangement where the woman may get a smaller dower, but the
husband provides the furniture.
Our Dialogue ( Source : Arab News – Jeddah )