Q347 :I got married two years ago on the basis of
exchange marriage. This was against the wishes of my brothers and
parents. I am afraid my marriage has not gone well at all. I recently
read that this type of exchange marriage is not liked by Allah. Is this
true? If so, how can I rectify my mistake? The difficulty is that if I
have some problem with my wife, my sister suffers as well, because she
is blamed for our problems.
A347 : I have some bad new for you. Your marriage is
not valid at all nor is your sister’s marriage. This type of marriage
is known in Islamic terminology as ‘shighar’. Abu Hurairah reports that
Allah’s messenger (peace be upon him) has forbidden shighar, which
means that one man says to another: Marry me your daughter and I will
marry you my daughter; or marry me your sister and I will marry you my
sister.” (Related by Muslim). In another highly authentic Hadith,
Abdullah ibn Amr reports that “Allah’s messenger (peace be on him) has
forbidden shighar which means that one marries his daughter to another
on condition that the other man gives him his daughter in marriage,
without mentioning any dower.” (Related by Al-Bukhari and Muslim).
These two Hadiths are perfectly clear in forbidding exchange marriages
altogether. It is not surprising that this is forbidden in Islam,
because it is an exchange deal which looks at women as though they were
netmodities that could be bought and sold. When a woman gets married,
she is entitled to receive a dower which benetes her own property and
she may dispense with it the way she likes. In such an exchange
marriage, a dower is not netmonly mentioned. Even if it is mentioned
and specified, the condition that the marriage will only go through if
the exchange deal goes through is enough reason to invalidate the two
marriages altogether. It is not surprising that you are having
problems. You also mention that your sister is having problems as well.
May be the reason is due to the fact that both women feel that they
were treated like two inanimate objects which were exchanged. If the
marriage is invalid, then there is no way to make it valid. What you
have to do is to make it clear to both families that both marriages are
not valid. Each of the two women goes back to her family and the two
relationships are terminated forthwith. When this has been done,
everyone of the four parties, meaning yourself, your sister and the
other man and his sister are free to marry other people. Similarly, it
is open to you to propose to the women you have described as your wife.
Since you have been having problems, most probably you do not wish to
do so. That is indeed better. But if you feel that you may have a
chance to lead a happy life and you want to marry her, you make your
proposal as if there was no relationship whatsoever between the two of
you. You agree terms of the marriage without any reference to the past
relationship. You agree an amount of dower which you have to pay her
and she is free to use that money in the way she likes. There must not
be the slightest hint that when your marriage goes through, your sister
will be married to your wife’s brother in consequence. Otherwise, you
would be back in the same situation and both marriages will be invalid.
Perhaps I should explain that a man may marry a woman in the normal way
without any third party being involved in any way whatsoever, and the
marriage goes through after payment of the dower and the contract being
made as Islam describes. Sometime later, it may so happen that one of
the relatives of the woman wants to marry a relative of her husband,
this is permissible because the two marriages are separate and no
condition was attached to the first one that the second one will
follow. If there are any such conditions, then the conditions are not
valid and there may be doubt about the validity of the marriage itself.
Our Dialogue ( Source : Arab News – Jeddah )