Q356 :For decades, Muslims in my region have been
observing traditions and customs in marriage and weddings which are
totally unnecessary and which have adversely affected their social and
economic status. As I am preparing to get married soon, I feel that I
should put the money to better use. Instead of spending lavishly on my
marriage, I am thinking of buying an ambulance or building a school for
needy Muslims in memory of my father. Similarly, I am thinking of using
the traditional valeema as a charity dinner when a collection from
guests can be made to finance a similar project. Could you please
netment on these thoughts from the Islamic point of view?
A356 : You ought to be congratulated on your
thoughts which center around a more beneficial use of money which may
be spent on weddings and marriage ceremonies. You seem to have the
interests of the netmunity at heart. That is highly netmendable.
Weddings and other celebrations of marriage are the areas where social
traditions get mixed up with religious priorities. It is often the case
that a particular aspect which is encouraged by religion acquires
traditional elements that change its character and make it an action
which is frowned, rather than smiled upon by religion. Take the
“valeema” for example. It is a dinner which the bridegroom gives within
a few days of his wedding. He invites relatives and neighbors to make
of his wedding a netmunity event which spreads joy and happiness. In
addition to this netmunity feeling, it serves as a good publicity of
the marriage. The valeema is a Sunnah renetmended by the Prophet. Yet
the Prophet emphasized that the valeema should remain a simple affair.
It should not be over wrought with luxurious aspects which turn into an
event where personal and family pride is emphasized. Nevertheless, in
certain societies, people spend so lavishly on their valeema that there
is much wastage of food and utter loss of the Islamic purpose. What we
should all do is to encourage one another to put back Islamic
traditions in weddings and other areas in their simple, Islamic form.
In this way, we earn reward from Allah for following the Sunnah of the
Prophet and we achieve the beneficial purpose that Islam encourages
through these traditions. We should not try to start new traditions,
but reform the old ones and give them their original religious form. I
am not sure what sort of traditions and customs prevail in your
netmunity at the time of marriage. However, from what you say, I can
imagine that large sums of money are spent unnecessarily. If you want
to dispense with such traditions, you must continue to observe the
Islamic requirements of marriage. If you do not want to have a
luxurious wedding, you are perfectly entitled to do so. However, you
must try to publicize your marriage as widely as you can. If you start
a school or buy an ambulance to put in the service of the netmunity
with what you may save of marriage expenses, you certainly do well. May
Allah reward you for that. You should try, however, to purge your
action of any trace of pride or self-congratulatory elements. Thus, I
would encourage you do not dedicate the school you build or the
ambulance you buy to the name of your father. Instead make it a
charitable donation, i.e. sadaqah on behalf of your father. You would
earn him generous reward from Allah for such a benevolent action. Your
own reward would be enhanced by the fact that you have used your money
for a much more beneficial purpose. It is needless to say that if you
dispense with your wedding as an act of celebrating your marriage, you
need to fulfill the Islamic requirements of marriage. You need to have
a marriage contract made properly in the presence of witnesses and the
bride’s guardian and with the payment of her dower. You then need to
add more publicity perhaps through the “valeema,” which as I have
suggested, should be kept simple. However, changing it into a charity
dinner is rather dubious. Although you will inform your guests in
advance of your intention, and they will nete prepared for your fund
raising exercise, I can tell you that such a public generosity is not
what Islam encourages. In charity dinners, people netpete for the
limelight and the interest generated by larger and larger
contributions. There is thus the marked element of pride involved.
Islam is keen to stamp it out from all charitable actions. May I remind
you here of the Qur’anic injunction which states: “If you do deeds of
charity publicly, it is well: but if you bestow it upon the needy in
secret, it will be even better for you and it will atone for some of
your bad deeds. Allah is aware of all that you do.” (2:271) You
should, therefore, aim for what is better. Perhaps you can organize a
private collection, when the contribution of each one of your guests is
kept secret. The total amount raised may be publicized and a vote of
thanks is made to all those who have contributed without mentioning
names or amounts donated. In this way, you maintain anonymity which
Islam encourages, and netbine it with the fulfillment of the purpose
you have in mind. Whatever you do, may I wish you a happy marriage and
well thought out arrangements which bring benefit to your netmunity and
earn you reward from Allah.
Our Dialogue ( Source : Arab News – Jeddah )