Q361 :I know a non-Muslim girl who is ready to
accept Islam and whom I wish to marry. My parents disagree with me and
say that I should not marry her. Would I be ‘not dutiful’ to my parents
if I go ahead and marry her?
A361 : Being dutiful to parents requires you to be
kind to them and respectful of their wishes. This does not mean that
you have to obey them in every single case. It is often the case that
you can determine what serves your interests better than your parents
who may not be as experienced in your affairs as you yourself are. Part
of being kind to parents is not to show them that you do not think
highly of their opinion. It is always possible to persuade parents to
change their opinion on many matters, if one is able to show them that
a different course of action serves the best interests of their son.
However, it is often the case that parents can see certain things which
their son or daughter are unable to see, because of their immediate
involvement in a certain situation. When a son or daughter defers to
his parents’ opinion, praying Allah to guide him to what is in his own
benefit, he is likely to be more successful, because Allah rewards him
for being so dutiful to his parents and guides his footsteps to what is
beneficial and proper. I cannot give you any concrete advice on
whether you should marry this girl or not. I realize that there is
mutual agreement between the two of you to get married. Both of you
think that your marriage will be very successful. It may be so, but it
is often possible to be rash in such situations. Therefore, it is
always wise to be extra-cautious. You should ask yourself whether the
readiness which your friend shows to embrace Islam is a genuine desire
motivated by an appropriate understanding of Islam or is it simply a
step she is ready to take in order to secure that she is married to
you? This makes a great deal of difference. If it is the latter, then
you should listen to your parents and abandon the idea of marrying her
altogether. On the other hand, if this woman has made a good study of
Islam and is ready to benete a Muslim, then she may be a very good wife
to you. [If the lady has made a conscious decision to embrace Islam,
she would not then relate it to her marriage to you. She would embrace
Islam, regardless of whether or not this marriage were to take place.]
What you should do [in such a case] is to try to make your parents see
her virtues so that they consent to your marriage and all is well
within the family. If they, nevertheless, continue to object, you will
not be doing something forbidden if you go ahead and marry her,
realizing that she is a good Muslim.
Our Dialogue ( Source : Arab News – Jeddah )