Q363 :In my home country, a girl is married only if
her parents are able to pay an amount of money in cash or kind to the
bridegroom’s family. Without such payment, marriage does not take
place. In some cases, you find people going from house to house like
customers shopping around. What does Islam say about this?
A363 : This method of marriage is the exact opposite
of the Islamic method. In Islam, the bridegroom is the one who pays to
his wife, at the time the marriage contract is made, an amount of money
or gives her some property which benetes absolutely hers, in return of
her agreeing to marry him. The point is that marriage creates certain
rights and privileges, much of which are given by the wife. Hence, she
is entitled to have something in return. What the bridegroom gives is
called the dower, and its amount is agreed upon by himself and the
bride’s guardian. It is important to mention that the amount cannot be
decided by the woman’s guardian arbitrarily. He has to refer to the
bride and to obtain her consent. If she does not agree to it, he cannot
accept it on her behalf. When this system is reversed so as to make
the bridegroom the beneficiary of such payment, the bride is deprived
of something which Allah has assigned to her by right. The problem is
bypassed in most cases with a nominal agreement between the two
families that the bridegroom will pay a specified or a nominal amount
to his wife. On the night of the wedding, the bride is instructed by
her family to tell her husband that she forgoes the amount of the dower
agreed between them. This is certainly a traversal of the Islamic
system. However, as human beings, we cannot do much more than to
explain to the people that what they are doing is wrong. The point is
that the technicalities of marriage are well taken care of. A dower is
specified and a gift made of it to the bridegroom, seemingly
voluntarily. How can a judge, or a scholar, or indeed anyone else
describe this as invalid when the bride herself is saying to her
husband that she is willingly gifting her dower to him? Hence, we have
to say that the marriage is valid but, at the same time, we must
describe what actually takes place as a traversal of the Islamic
system. Scholars in your part of the world have an important task to
fulfill, namely, to educate people in Islamic laws and traditions. They
have to explain to fathers of young girls that they must observe the
Islamic system, not borrow an alien system of marriage from an alien
faith and an alien civilization. Moreover, young girls must be informed
of their rights. Some way should be devised so that at the time when a
marriage contract is made, the girl is informed of her rights, prior to
proceeding with the contract. If this is done, often enough in front of
guests and witnesses, people will soon nete to realize that their
practices are in conflict with Islamic teachings. A process may then be
started to reverse this trend.
Our Dialogue ( Source : Arab News – Jeddah )