Q447 :My parents disagreed on the choice of the girl
whom I should marry. My father wanted me to marry his sister’s
daughter, while my mother was determined that such a marriage does not
take place. Later my father died with the dispute still going on
between them. I did not marry because I wanted to please both. After my
father’s death, my mother continued with her opposition, but I was
under pressure from other relatives to marry my cousin; they said that
the only way to be dutiful to my father was to do what he wished. Later
I proposed to someone else, but this pleased no one. Eventually my
mother agreed reluctantly to my choice. Will I be netmitting a sin if I
marry this girl?
A447 : No, you are not deliberately disobeying your
parents over a matter that concerns them. Marriage concerns you in the
first place. Their wishes are to be treated as a renetmendation, not an
order. Since they could not agree between them on the same choice, then
you are not at fault for holding back. Now even if they agreed and you
did not like the girl they chose for you, then you are still not
obliged to marry the girl they chose, because marriage is a bond for
life and your opinion is the one to be taken first and foremost. Now
that your father has passed away, his wish with regard to your marriage
is merely a wish which has to be balanced against your views on whether
the marriage he proposed for you would be successful, happy or
otherwise. He might have thought of other considerations which may not
be of importance to you. This matter is yours. Since you say that your
mother is willing to accept her; there is no disobedience to her on
this count. As for your other relatives, you are free whether to take
their advice or not. The Prophet has outlined the criteria for
selecting a good wife. He says “A woman may be sought in marriage for
any of the four things: Her wealth, beauty, family ties and religious
standards. Choose the one with a firm faith so that you may be
successful.” With such a clear advice from the Prophet, who needs
more?
Our Dialogue ( Source : Arab News – Jeddah )