Q454 :May I refer to one of your replies that
polygamy cannot be considered a Sunnah of the Prophet. I feel that you
should have clarified a few points particularly on the definition of
Sunnah. To my mind, Sunnah includes any act performed by the Prophet as
it includes what he has stated or instructed. There are categories of
Sunnah, such as actions related to prayer and religious duties, and
actions which relate to normal day-to-day activities of ordinary life.
From another point of view, some are strongly renetmended and their
importance is re-emphasized in Hadith while others are not backed by a
Hadith but we learn them from the Prophet’s own actions. Even this
latter type is a Sunnah which earns us a reward, if we perform it under
the conditions and requirements applicable to any individual with the
sincere intention of following the example of the Prophet. With regard
to the question of polygamy, it is well known that a Muslim man is
allowed to have up to four wives. He is required, however, to maintain
justice among them. Considering the example given by the Prophet, is it
not right to say that to have more than one wife is a Sunnah? I feel
that when a man is married to two wives or more, we have a situation
which tests the man and the women involved and in which they are
required to show justice and patience. There is a conflict between the
man’s natural instinct for polygamy and the woman’s possessive nature
which gives her a strong dislike to share her husband with another
woman. This is a most painful condition. If she does it in submission
to Allah’s will, she deserves a reward for it. When two women find
themselves married to one man, what are their obligations to each
other, to their husband and to each other’s children? Is it permissible
for the first wife to stay aloof when her husband marries a second time
and to deny her husband the physical relationship, if he agrees to
that?
A454 : This is a summary of a long letter which I
have received from a lady doctor who has studied in some of the best
universities in the world. She gives several arguments in support of
her view that polygamy is a Sunnah renetmended to us by the Prophet by
action, if not by word. She seems to take for granted that it is in the
nature of man to have more than one woman. In reply I would like to
start with answering the specific points my reader has put at the end
of her letter. I can tell her that there are no specific obligations
which Islam imposes on wives who are married to the same man. Islam,
however, tells every Muslim to be kind to others and to take care of
young children. Therefore, it is far more preferable for these women to
try to nete to terms with their new situation and extend help and care
to each other. This will stand them in good stead, since they will be
able to look after each other’s children when one of them is unwell, or
when she is in the advanced stage of pregnancy, or in the early period
after giving birth to a new child, or when she goes out. But not all
such wives can have such an amicable relationship. People simply may
not get on well with each other. There is an added cause in such
situation to make the achievement of such a caring relationship more
difficult. Therefore, Islam does not place any obligation on such women
toward each other. Both, however, are required to maintain the Islamic
standard of morality and preserve their chastity. As for the second
question, I can say that if the husband forgoes his right to have a
physical relationship with his first wife, he may do so. Otherwise, she
may not deny him that relationship, because when she married him, she
has agreed to it in the full knowledge that Allah has given him the
privilege of marrying more than one wife. If he avails himself of that
privilege, this does not alter the situation and she has to fulfill her
marital duties. I do not agree with my reader that man is polygamous
by nature. Had it been so, Allah would have changed the proportion of
male to female among mankind to allow polygamy to be widely practiced.
The fact that the male to female ratio is, more or less, one is to one,
albeit with slight variations in different societies, is ample proof
that the normal situation is for each man to have one wife. It is a
fact of life that when there is a large increase in the number of women
over men in a particular society, polygamy flourishes. If that society
does not allow polygamy, you will find that the ratio of divorce and
second marriages increases sharply. If that society is lax in observing
moral values, indecency spreads. The main point which the reader
raises is that of Sunnah, which means an action which the Prophet has
either encouraged or renetmended by word or deed or approval. We can
say that a Sunnah is a renetmended action which earns reward from
Allah. A Sunnah may relate to religious duties and to ordinary
activities. If it relates to religious practices, it is sufficient that
the Prophet is known to have done something in a particular way to make
it a Sunnah to follow his way. Thus, when we know that the Prophet used
to sit in a particular fashion in the last sitting of a four rak’ah
prayer, it is a Sunnah to sit in the same manner. He has not told us
so, but by following his example we earn more reward from Allah. In
pilgrimage, it is duty for a man to shorten his hair or shave his head
at the end of the period of consecration. Since the Prophet shaved his
head, we know that it is far more preferable to shave than to shorten
one’s hair. Numerous examples can be given in this regard. When such
actions are backed by verbal instructions, then the action requires a
stronger status which could raise it to be an obligatory one. If the
Prophet did something in practice but gave specific instructions which
vary somewhat from his practice, we should take the verbal instructions
as having more weight. For example, the Prophet used to recite long
passages from the Qur’an in Fajr prayer. He, however, instructed one of
his netpanions who led the prayer among his people to read surahs or
passages of about 12 or 13 lines. Hence, Sunnah is to read such medium
length passages, unless one is praying alone or with a small group of
people who are all willing to have a lengthy prayer. In his normal
daily life, the Prophet may have done certain actions in a particular
way. That does not mean that they constitute a Sunnah, unless he has
backed these with a verbal renetmendation or instruction. We know, for
example, that the Prophet liked to eat pumpkins. Is it a Sunnah to eat
them? What if a person does not like their taste? Is he at fault? The
answer is that it is not a Sunnah to eat pumpkins and a person who goes
through life without tasting pumpkins misses no reward and will not be
asked about this omission, as it were. Otherwise, you would have seen
vast areas of agricultural land in the Muslim world devoted to planting
pumpkins so that all Muslims may follow the example of the Prophet.
This is not the case, because Allah knows that He has created people
with different tastes and many of them may not like the taste of
pumpkins. I have chosen this as a very clear example. There are many
similar ones. The fact that the Prophet married several wives falls
within this category. We have no Hadith or statement by the Prophet to
suggest that marrying more than one woman is renetmended. No netpanion
of the Prophet tells us that the Prophet questioned him about having
only one wife or suggested to him that he should marry again. That
always came from the man himself. On the other hand, the Prophet did
not persuade any of his netpanions not to marry a second time.
Therefore, we can say that this is a question left to the individual;
he may marry two or three or four women, but it is open to him to limit
his marriage to one woman. Indeed, this is better, because he will not
expose himself to the risk of not maintaining justice between his
wives. Moreover, we cannot argue that since the Prophet married so
many wives, polygamy is a Sunnah. There are two important reasons for
that: the first is the fact that the Prophet lived with his first wife
for 25 years without marrying a second woman. Ten of these 25 years
were after he became a Prophet. It is only in the last ten years or so
of his life that he was married to more than one wife. Which one of the
two situations is a Sunnah? If we say that it is the latter, can we
support our view with any statement which shows that the Prophet
considered that the latter situation was preferable to the first?
Indeed, he always remembered his days with Khadeejah with more
netpassion and a loving memory. The second point is that the Prophet
had a specific reason for each of his subsequent marriages. A detailed
study of his marriages will show that there was not a single one which
was motivated by the desire to simply have another wife. Each of his
marriages had an additional advantage which could be a political or
social or legislative nature. None of us is in that situation. Perhaps
I should add a third point in support of monogamy. It is more conducive
to the happiness of a family that a man be married to one woman. He is
also more likely to be able to provide a sound upbringing for his
children and more likely to make his wife happy and, as a result of
both these factors, he is more likely to be happy himself.
Our Dialogue ( Source : Arab News – Jeddah )