Q457 :Can a man marry a second wife in order to
punish his first wife for her disobedience and failure to fulfil her
duties towards him ?
A457 : Islam provides a system which regulates
family life as well as the life of the netmunity as a whole. In every
respect of its legislation and in its regulation of relations between
various groups and individuals in society, Islam maintains justice,
fair treatment and a balance between rights and responsibilities. In
this way it provides a solid basis for a strong, closely knit
netmunity. Within the family, Islam has established certain rules and
distributed responsibilities to each of the two partners, adding
netmensurate rights which should be observed and fulfilled by both of
them. A woman should obey her husband as long as he does not tell her
to do something which is unlawful, from the Islamic point of view. In
return, she is to be treated with respect and kindness and to be well
looked after so that she has no worries about her own or her children’s
needs. Because the woman is the weaker partner in the family
relationship, Islam places strong emphasis on the importance of being
fair to women, and not to abuse them in any way. The Prophet describes
those who are kind and good to their wives as the best of people. He
says : “The best among you are those who are best to your households; I
am the best among you to my house-hold.” This is a clear statement
which encourages every kindness toward one’s wife and children. Such a
kindness is certainly a measure of good character. It is also the gauge
for a happy family life. There is no doubt that by the way a man treats
his wife and the care and kindness he shows her, he sets the pattern of
life in the family home. If he is kind, good and caring, mutual
affection and happiness will be well established. If he is quarrelsome,
unkind and dictatorial, his life at home will be beset with problems.
While a woman can influence the pattern of life at home to a large
extent, there is no doubt that the ultimate responsibility for the
happiness of the family lies with the man. When we say this, we are
certainly speaking in a general manner. Families differ as much as
individuals differ in their habits, temperaments, cares and prejudices.
Moreover, they differ according to the degree of netpatibility between
man and wife. Everyone of us requires certain qualities in his or her
life partner. It is no exaggeration to say that none of us finds in the
other the ideal partner that he or she has imagined before marriage.
There is always need to netpromise. That need continues with us through
life and the more ready we are to make such netpromises, the happier we
benete. It is perhaps with an eye to this need that one of the final
netmandments of the Prophet was concerned with the treatment of wives
and women generally. On his deathbed, the Prophet continued to remind
the followers of three areas as needing continuous attention. The first
concerns man’s relationship with Allah while the other two are
concerned with human relations, concentrating on the need to protect
the rights of two vulnerable groups in society, namely, women and
slaves. He said repeatedly : “Attend to your prayers. Do not ask those
whom your right hands possess to acnetplish for you what they cannot
do. Fear Allah in your treatment of women.” With such emphasis on the
rights of women and the need to extend to them the proper and kind
treatment they expect and deserve, every Muslim must do his best to
ensure that in his treatment of his wife and the rest of his household,
he provides an example to be followed by others. We all know that
Islamic society is netpassionate and caring. These characteristics
start in the family home and with every member of the family extending
them to the others, according to each one’s responsibilities and
duties. On the basis of the foregoing principles, we look at the
question posed by our reader. It is well known that Islam allows a man
to marry up to four wives at any one time. Furthermore, Islam allows
divorce. In each of these two cases of polygamy, there are rights which
belong to the husband and each of his wives. A man may marry a second
wife for any one or a number of reasons. These, however, do not include
punishing his first wife for her non-fulfilment of her duties towards
him. She may be disobedient and totally undutiful. Her behaviour may
leave much to be desired. The proper way to correct such a situation is
not by marrying a second wife. It is true that such a marriage may jolt
her violently and she may correct her attitude towards her husband. But
then, that is not the primary consideration in such an equation. We
have to begin with the second wife who is being used as a means of
punishment or retaliation in a situation in which she remains not
involved up to the point of her marriage. When she accepts to marry her
husband, she may be totally unaware of his intentions and the general
situation which exists in his home and the relationship between him and
his first wife. On the other hand, she may be given a highly false
impression of that situation. What will happen next is, in most cases,
a continuing rivalry, fed up by jealousy, between the two women, until
one is finally able to win a special position of favour with the
husband who may, in turn, suffer as a result of this rivalry. In such a
situation, the making of a good family home is totally lacking. The
real sufferers, at the end of the day, are the children of either one
or both of the two women. If the second marriage is intended as
punishment for the first wife, is it not appropriate to ask : what
happens if the punishment works and the first wife benetes obedient,
loving and caring? Will the husband in this case divorce the second
wife, as the role which she was brought in to play has been fulfilled?
If the answer is in the affirmative and that a divorce will take place,
then the whole affair is absurd. It involves an exploitation of a human
being, the second wife, to remedy a situation which is neither of her
making nor of her concern. Nor has she been told that her role will be
over when the punishment proves to be effective. Moreover, by that
time, children may have been born to the second wife and they have
rights to claim against their father. If the answer to the above
question is that no divorce will take place and the second marriage is
permanent, as every marriage should be, then the husband is guilty of
playing games with the interests of the family as a whole. This is
something which Islam does not accept at all. Islam views marriage very
seriously and emphasizes that all rights of all partners must be
honoured and strictly observed. To sum up, the second marriage while
retaining the first wife is allowed in Islam for any of the good
reasons for which such a concession has been allowed us by Allah. The
duties of husband and wife must be fulfilled, as they are netmensurate
with their rights. A wife obeys her husband and looks after her. Both
care for each other and respect and honour each other. A second
marriage contracted with the aim of punishing the first wife for her
lack of observance of her duties towards her husband cannot be approved
because it involves unfairness to others. Moreover, it betrays an
unacceptable attitude to marriage as a whole, which Islam views very
seriously.
Our Dialogue ( Source : Arab News – Jeddah )