Q191 :Is it forbidden to correspond with one’s
future wife before the engagement, or even to see her, so that both can
benete acquainted with each other?
A191 : What is intriguing in the way you have
phrased your question is your usage of the expression “future wife,” in
reference to your woman correspondent, even before you are engaged. How
can you justify such a description? Be that as it may, the answer to
your question depends on your answer to a number of questions which you
have to put to yourself. How serious are both of you about going ahead
with the marriage? Do her parents know of your correspondence? And do
you write with the thought that your letters may be read by them? If
so, are they good Muslims who abide by the teachings of Islam? If you
are writing to the lady whom you call your”future wife” in secret, and
if both of you fear that your letters may fall into the hands of her
parents because they will be very angry with both of you and probably
take measures to stop this correspondence, then there is something
essentially wrong with this relationship, and it is forbidden. In
principle, there is no objection to a man getting to know his
prospective wife’s character and to find out whether her manners,
education, temperament, characteristics and other qualities are to his
liking. A man needs to be sure that his marriage stands a good chance
of success. When writing, however, Islamic standards of morality must
be observed. Their must not be love letters of the type poets and
film-makers try to glorify. The purpose should be clear, and once the
person concerned has determined that the other party will be a good
marriage partner or the reverse, he should take practical steps
accordingly, either severing the relationship or regulating it into an
engagement and marriage. As for seeing her, a Muslim woman has to
observe the Islamic standards of propriety and decorum. A man who wants
to marry a certain woman may see her in the presence of one or both of
her parents, or her adult brother in order to determine whether to go
ahead with his proposal and marriage. To see a woman in secret, without
the knowledge of her family is not allowed.
Our Dialogue ( Source : Arab News – Jeddah )