Q357 :What I would like to know is whether I am
married to my man, although we have not signed any marriage contract.
Our “marriage” took place in an office when I was in one room and
everyone else was in another because they were all men. We had
witnesses who, as they came out at the end of the “ceremony”, offered
congratulations to me. Since I do not have any relatives to celebrate
the marriage, we simply set out together, just the two of us. Because I
feel I am not properly wed, I have asked him on two separate occasions
whether we are married and he answered in the affirmative. Yet no one
in his family knows about our marriage. I live with them in the same
house but in separate flats. As I have benete a Muslim with full
conviction, I want to be sure. Can you help?
A357 : I wish you could have given me more details
about what happened at the time when your marriage took place. You
realize that a marriage is a contract between two parties, a man and a
woman, made in the presence of witnesses as well as the woman’s
guardian. It also involves the payment of a dower, the amount of which
is agreed between the two parties and benete payable by the husband at
the time when the contract is made [though the payment may be deferred
by mutual consent]. A marriage contract does not need to be written
down in order to be valid. But the documentation is important,
particularly these days in order to ensure that all future formalities
are properly made. What I am saying here is that you may have a verbal
marriage contract which is netpletely valid, but you need to have it
registered with the civil authorities so that you do not run into
problems in future, particularly when you have children. Like every
contract, marriage can only be entered into by agreement of both sides.
It cannot be taken care of only by one party. While you might have had
to be in a separate room, your express consent should have been sought
and given properly for the marriage contract to go ahead. In many
Muslim marriages, the wife may not be present when the actual contract
is made. However, her father or guardian netes to her with two
witnesses and asks her whether she gives him the [verbal] power of
attorney [in presence of the two witnesses] to act for her in marrying
her to the man concerned and whether she agrees to the amount of dower
to be paid to her. When she has given him the power of attorney, he
proceeds to netplete the marriage contract. Did you give the power of
attorney to anyone to act for you? If not, did the witnesses ask you
before the marriage contract whether you were willing to proceed with
this marriage? If not, then what sort of contract was this? What was
your part in it? If you did give power of attorney to someone and he
acted for you, and since you say that you have no relatives, then the
marriage contract would be valid. If not, then there was no marriage
contract because you did not take any part in it either in person or by
appointing someone to act for you. It is not sufficient that the
witnesses congratulate you or that your man says that you are married.
You say that no one in his family knows about your marriage. Do you
mean that he is married to another one? Or do you mean that his parents
do not know about this? If it is the latter, then you are entitled to
be recognized as his wife. In any case, you should have your marriage
properly registered. What you should do is to insist that your marriage
is properly registered with the civil authorities. Your husband cannot
deny you that because you are only asking him to document a legal
relationship. Perhaps the best way is to arrange for the marriage to be
properly made at an Islamic court. Once this is done, your position is
clear. But you should stop any marital relationship with him unless you
are sure, in the light of what I have said, that the marriage that took
place is a proper and valid one. This means that you have given power
of attorney to someone to act for you and he acted according to the
mandate you have given him. If not, you must do it now. You must not
lose any time.
Our Dialogue ( Source : Arab News – Jeddah )