Q360 :As my parents refuse to sanction my brother’s
marriage to a girl who follows the Muhavira faith, the two of them have
been living together for sometime. We have been trying hard to persuade
the girl just to say the kalimah, so that she benetes a Muslim and the
marriage can go ahead, but she refuses saying that she does not want to
cheat us. The two of them maintain that they will continue to live
together until we are ready to get them married. This has caused much
bitterness in our family and my parents feel guilty as a result of what
my brother is doing. Is there any possible solution to this problem?
Should we boycott our brother and his friend.
A360 : One thing to be said for the girl is that she
is honest. She does not want to indulge in an exercise of
self-deception, appearing as a Muslim when she is not. You and your
brother have been trying to make things appear so easy for her that if
only she would say the declaration which is known as the kalimah,
everything could go ahead. I am afraid that your attitude is wrong,
while hers is at least honest. A person does not benete a Muslim as a
result of making a simple verbal statement. That is not how beliefs are
found. A person benetes a Muslim only when he is convinced of the basic
principle of Islam, then he makes a declaration of his conviction,
stating that he believes in the Oneness of Allah and that Prophet
Muhammad (peace be upon him) is Allah’s last messenger. Conviction
netes first. It is then followed by the verbal statement which
describes an existing situation. Obviously the girl is not convinced of
the truth of Islam. Therefore, even if she makes the declaration, she
is not a Muslim. In this case, you may technically assume that she is,
since she has made the declaration, but it is your brother’s
responsibility to make sure that she is a Muslim before he marries her.
Obviously, your brother does not care much about all this. This is the
core of the problem. He does not seem to have had enough religious
education to persuade him to live as a Muslim. Your repeated attempts
to make him bring his action in line with Islamic teachings have proven
futile. It is the hard fact that he values his relationship with this
girl as more important than observing Islamic teachings. Well, your
brother may know enough about Islam but, deep at heart, he does not
believe in it. In this case, you are wasting your time when you quarrel
with him over his relationship with his girlfriend. On the other hand,
he may be a person who hardly knows anything about Islam, he cannot see
much wrong with his action, because he has not learned enough about the
Islamic faith to make him follow its teachings as every Muslim should.
In this case your attitude towards him should be a gentle one. You
should try to explain to him the basic principle of Islam and how, as a
Muslim, he must try hard not to deviate from the Islamic code of
living. At the same time, you must make it absolutely clear to him that
his present attitude is totally rejected by you and your family. You
should give him a period of time to formulate an adequate understanding
of Islam. Perhaps in this process of re-education you should resort to
someone who is well versed in Islamic principles and who is
broad-minded enough not to condemn your brother at the outset. While
your brother’s attitude cannot be sanctioned, a polarization of the
situation is not the appropriate method to deal with it. However, if he
persists in his attitude, rejecting everything you say and insisting on
his attitude of disobedience to Allah, you should think very seriously
about boycotting him. That is the last resort. May be, when he sees
that he is boycotted by his family, he would start thinking seriously
about what he is doing is wrong. You ask whether there is any
possibility of his getting married in an Islamically approved manner.
This answer is in the negative. There is no person or institution which
is empowered to give exemption from Islamic rulings or to modify these
rulings according to individual cases or situations. According to
Islam, a Muslim may not marry any woman who is not a follower of Islam,
Christianity or Judaism. Since this girl follows the Muhavira faith,
she is not lawful as a wife to a Muslim. The only way this marriage can
go through is for her to benete a true Muslim, fully convinced of Islam
as the true faith. Your parents should not feel guilty, because they
are not responsible for the actions of their adult son. Everyone bears
the burden of one’s own deeds.
Our Dialogue ( Source : Arab News – Jeddah )