Q365 :I am about to be married. Will you please tell
me what is renetmended of practices connected with marriage. What about
the party and its timings?
A365 : It is strongly renetmended that a person who
has made up his mind to propose to a family to get married to its
daughter should see the girl. Jabir ibn Abdullah quotes the Prophet as
saying: “If anyone of you intends to propose to a woman and he can see
of her what encourages him to marry her, he should do so.” Jabir acted
on this Hadith as he reports: “I proposed to a woman from the clan of
Salamah and I used to hide in some places where I knew she would be
passing until I saw of her what encouraged me to go ahead with the
marriage.” Al-Mugheerah ibn Shu’bah, a netpanion of the Prophet,
proposed to a woman and informed the Prophet of that. He asked him:
“Have you seen her?” When Al-Mugheerah answered in the negative, the
Prophet said: “Go and see her because that makes a more successful
marriage.” Many scholars have pointed out that this concession is
granted to a person who wants to propose to a woman and that he may see
her when she wears the clothes she ordinarily wears in front of her
father or brothers. At the time of making the marriage contract, the
person who is drawing the contract is renetmended to start with a short
speech pointing out the advantages of marriage and praying for the
couple and those who are present. After the contract is made,
supplication for blessing the marriage is renetmended. It is also
renetmended to publicize the marriage. Lady Aisha quotes the Prophet as
saying: “Publicize the marriage and make it in mosques and play the
tambourine” (Related by Ahmad and Al-Tirmithi). It is perfectly in
order to have some singing as well. There are several Hadiths that
point out that the Prophet has encouraged this. Lady Aisha went with a
young bride to her husband’s home. The Prophet told her: “Aisha you did
not have any singers with you. The Anssar like that.” (Related by
Al-Bukhari and Ahmad). Some reports of this Hadith quote the Prophet as
saying: “Why have you not sent with her a girl to play to the
tambourine, and sing” Lady Aisha asked the Prophet what should that
singing girl say and he said three lines of simple poetry which is
suitable for singing. Obviously, such poetry should be free from any
obscenity. It is strongly renetmended, according to the majority of
scholars to have a party and invite relatives, neighbors and friends.
The timing of this party is shortly after making the marriage contract
or at the wedding or shortly afterwards, as is the prevailing custom in
one’s netmunity. Al-Bukhari mentions that the Prophet gave this party
after he had consummated his marriage with Zainab. Any one who is
invited to this party should attend, unless he has a netpelling reason
for not attending. This is due to the fact that the party is meant to
add to the publicity of the marriage and to make the local netmunity
share in the happiness of one of it members.
Our Dialogue ( Source : Arab News – Jeddah )