Q370 :A marriage was arranged for the sake of good
names of the families concerned. The marriage was never consummated due
to lack of love and trust. The husband refuses to divorce his wife and
continues to provide her needs. She wants to make a fresh start in
life. Is it open to her to seek divorce? If she does, will she be
considered a sinner as the husband has provided everything? May I also
ask whether there was an incident during the lifetime of the Prophet
when a woman told him that she did not wish to stay with her husband
for reasons known only to her. The Prophet asked the husband to divorce
her.
A370 : There is an important dimension to marriage
which is often overlooked. That is the personal and human dimension.
When there are problems within marriage, people tend to concentrate on
material aspects. They ask whether the man fulfils his duties of
providing food and clothes to his family; is he generous or a miser?
Does his wife need to resort to much pressure in order to persuade him
to buy herself some clothes? etc. They also ask about his nature: is he
hot-tempered? Does he often blow his top? Does he treat his wife with
respect or does he insult her when they have a disagreement? But people
do not ask about the other sort of fulfilment which is required in
marriage. They are somewhat justified not to pry into other people’s
affairs. But it is important to realize that this is an essential part
of marriage. If it is not established on the right basis, it could
easily lead to the break-up of the family. Hence, we need to know what
Islam says about this aspect. Apart from the normal duties which both
husband and wife have to fulfil in their new relationship, they have
another duty which is by no means less important. Each of them has to
help the other remain chaste. The sexual desire is a natural urge for
both man and woman. Allah has made the satisfaction of that urge
permissible only through marriage. When either party violates Islamic
teachings and seeks to satisfy sexual urge outside the bond of
marriage, he or she netmits a very grave sin. There are many sorts of
temptations which may lead a person to break Islamic rules and netmit a
gross indecency. Islam seeks to reduce or indeed nullify these
temptations through building a society which netbines a serious view of
morality with practices which make it much easier for people not to
err. One aspect of its overall plan to achieve this result is to
encourage marriage and to make it the normal practice for young men and
women . It also requires married people to help each other satisfy
their sexual desires. In normal circumstances, it is not only easier
but also more satisfying to have such fulfilment only through marriage.
Therefore, when this aspect of married life goes wrong, Islam views
that situation very seriously. I must stress that this applies to both
man and woman alike. It is often acceptable in any particular society
that a man divorces his wife because she is frigid. They recognize that
such a woman cannot provide fulfilment. From the Islamic point of view,
she does not help her husband properly maintain his chastity. The same
applies in the case of woman. If she is neglected by her husband, this
may weigh down heavily on her and a sense of being unwanted may be too
troublesome to her. Why should she be exposed to such feelings day
after day of her life? In the example given by the reader, the
marriage has been arranged for family considerations. In other words,
the partners themselves may not have been consulted. They were put
together where at least one of them did not wish to be married to the
other.This is an arrangement which is not acceptable from the Islamic
point of view. Be that as it may, once the marriage has been concluded,
the couple were faced with a choice of trying to make a success of it
or abandoning the arrangement altogether. I do not know enough of the
circumstances of the case to make a judgement on who is right and who
is wrong. However, the fact that the marriage remained unconsummated
means that the husband at least does not view this relationship as
permanent. He has apparently tried to fulfil his other obligations by
looking after his wife and supporting her. However, he has left her
with a sense of being unwanted or unloved. Such a feeling may sometimes
be very hard for a woman to bear. It is only natural for a woman to
feel that she is wanted, loved and cared for. If she does not find that
with her husband, her marital life may be in jeopardy. She may want to
finish with the whole arrangement. That is often the case although both
husband and wife have a normal sexual relationship. But when that
relationship does not exist, its absence serves as a continuous
reminder to the wife that she has either failed to make an impression
on her husband or that he rejects her outright. Many a woman feel it
impossible to continue with such a relationship. If a woman in this
situation applies for a divorce, an Islamic court is very likely to
grant it. There is a serious breach of this marital relationship and it
may appear to be irredeemable. The woman is certainly not a sinner. The
husband may claim to have provided her with everything. He has
certainly left something wanting in her. He has rather failed in his
duty to help her remain chaste. The incident to which you have
referred is correct. The wife of one of the netpanions of the Prophet,
Thabit ib Qais, nete to the Prophet and said: “I have nothing to say
against the manners and treatment I receive from my husband, nor do I
have anything against the strength of his faith. Nevertheless I dislike
to continue to live with him as his wife.” In her appeal to the Prophet
to help her, she used an expression which indicated that she genuinely
and seriously was unhappy with her marriage. Her mind was made up. She
did not want to continue. The Prophet did not argue with her and did
not try to persuade her to stay with her husband. He went to the
husband, Thabit ibn Qais, and told him that his wife wanted a divorce.
The man said that he had given her a good dower, and he was prepared to
divorce her if she returned that to him. When the Prophet asked her
whether she was prepared to do do that, she said that she was willing
to give him more. The Prophet then told Thabit to divorce her once and
take back only the dower he had paid. At no time did the Prophet
rebuke the woman or her husband for the failure of their marriage. He
recognized that its continuation was unhealthy. Therefore, he went
ahead with arranging a divorce. If the lady in the present case wishes
to leave her husband, she is fully entitled to do so. She only has to
apply to an Islamic court to nullify her marriage. She has good grounds
for having her application granted.
Our Dialogue ( Source : Arab News – Jeddah )