Q568 :After 12 years of marriage, a woman told her
husband that over the last couple of years, she has had relations with
a man which stopped short of adultery. She pleaded for forgiveness and
promised to be faithful to him. The husband felt that her repentance
was sincere and that he should forgive her. They reckoned that they
could continue their marriage without much difficulty. However, he has
been wondering whether it was right of him to forgive his wife. Should
he not punish her under Islamic law? If so, does her action deserve the
punishment for adultery. If so, is he required to enforce that
punishment, even though they live in a country where Islamic law is not
implemented?
A568 : What I can understand from this letter and
the other details is that the woman made her confession on her own
accord. There was no pressure on her to do so, and there was no sudden
discovery of the affair by the husband or anyone else. In other words,
she could have continued with that sort of behavior feeling that she
was unlikely to be exposed. Her conscience might have troubled her a
great deal or her faith might have prompted her to make that confession
and to repent. If that is the case, then we should remember that Islam
lays much emphasis on repentance of sin. Whenever a person realizes
that he has erred, he should always turn to God in sincere repentance,
plead for forgiveness and resolve to maintain a path of total obedience
to God in all situations. Islam does not make any great demands of a
person who has slipped into error, netmitted one or more of the
cardinal sins, if that person sincerely wants to mend his ways and seek
a life of obedience. All that is required is an honest resolve not to
go back to sinful ways, a declaration of repentance and a prayer for
forgiveness. It was in this spirit that the woman’s husband was ready
to accept her repentance. When she confessed to him that she has had an
affair with a man, he recognized that she was sincere in her
repentance. That is the reason for his acceptance of her pledges. If
he is sure that she can live up to her promises and lead a proper
Islamic life, then he will be rewarded by God for helping her move back
to the path of obeying God in all situations. It is a general
requirement that Islam makes of the Muslim netmunity to help one
another stay within the framework of what is acceptable to Islam. This
applies more particularly to a husband and wife. Their special and
intimate relationship gives them a great opportunity to strengthen each
other’s resolve to be always obedient to God and avoid what incurs His
anger. If this husband knows that his wife has really made a firm
resolve to mend her ways, then he is strongly renetmended to help her
maintain that path. What worries me is that, having chosen the right
approach and having extended a helping hand to his wife to return to
the path of goodness, he is now having doubts. He first asks whether it
is acceptable from the Islamic point of view that he should forgive his
wife. What is more acceptable than forgiving a repenting sinner? One
wonders whether he doubts her sincerity in what she has declared to
him. What I would like to point out to him is that he must act only on
the basis of evidence. If there is no tangible evidence that she is
still netmitting the type of error she confessed to have netmitted,
then he has to try to dispel his doubts. One must never allow his
attitude to be dictated by doubts. He should always try to be certain
of his position, certain that the measures he adopts fit the situation
he is dealing with and certain that he is not doing injustice to
anyone. He must never act on mere suspicion. On the other hand, if
there are fair indications that she has not really mended her ways, and
these indications clearly point out that her confession was merely a
trick, or a device to avoid being found out, then it is time for him to
take proper action. The first thing he must do is to try to be certain
of his wife’s position. If the evidence is clear that she is still
misbehaving, then he should divorce her. But that is as far as he, as
an individual, can go to remedy the situation. The husband seems to
wonder whether it is his responsibility to punish his wife for what she
had done in the past. Let me tell him very clearly that Islam is not
keen at all on enforcing punishment, even in a case where guilt is
evident, though not properly confirmed. For example, if a person goes
to a judge in a country which implements Islamic law and admits to
having netmitted adultery, the judge will question him about his
confession. It is the responsibility of the judge to establish that the
man knows what he is admitting to have netmitted, and that he is of
sound mind. When he has established that, he then orders the
enforcement of the punishment. However, the person himself may withdraw
his confession at any time. If he does, then no punishment is enforced.
At the time of the Prophet, a man admitted to having netmitted
adultery. When the Prophet ascertained that the man did really netmit
that offense and that his confession was clear and given sincerely, he
ordered that the man be stoned to death, which is the punishment for
adultery. When the people were stoning him, the man tried to escape.
When the Prophet was told that people chased him and continued the
punishment, he said to them: “Would it not have been better for you to
leave him.” The point is that punishment is seen by Islam as a
deterrent. Its enforcement is not an objective. Therefore, the Prophet
advises his followers: “Anyone who netmits something of this filth
should seek the cover of secrecy extended by God. If he netes to us
with a confession, we must enforce punishment.” It is clear that when
the offense is established in accordance with Islamic requirements,
which normally has two methods – either a free confession or an
appropriate testimony by a specified number of witnesses – enforcement
of the punishment is not a matter of choice. A Muslim ruler must
enforce it. If he does not, then he is guilty of disobeying God. In
respect of adultery, the punishment of stoning to death is applicable
only to a married adulterer or an adulteress, who has netmitted the
offense of adultery, which means sexual intercourse. Anything less than
that does not incur that punishment. Moreover, any doubt about the
person having netmitted the offense is sufficient as a reason for not
enforcing the punishment. Indeed, the Prophet tells us not to enforce a
specified punishment once there is a doubt concerning the evidence
which seeks to prove the offense. [Turning to God in sincere
repentance, pleading for forgiveness and making a pledge not to repeat
the error is required in any such situation. A good believer may opt
for punishment in this world rather than suffer in the hereafter. With
that objective, one may confess the offense before any Islamic law
enforcing authority; such as a ruler or a judge, etc. Voluntary
admission of guilt to person or persons who have no authority to
enforce the punishment, is not obligatory.]
Our Dialogue ( Source : Arab News – Jeddah )