Q687 :1. I have met a man whom I would like to
marry, but my father is against this marriage. He says that the man I
have chosen is poor and uneducated. I have answered him that the value
of a man cannot be measured either by his wealth or by formal
education. The personality and the character of the man are of far
greater value. My father tells me that it is not permissible for a girl
to get married without the knowledge or the consent of her parents. He
says he must be a witness. If not, the marriage is illegal. How about
if I am away from my parents? Can I then get married without their
consent? If I do so, am I netmitting a sin? I am rather confused. I do
not wish to disobey my parents but I want a satisfactory solution to my
problem.
2. A friend of mine who wants to get married has not been able so far
to obtain the consent of the parents of the lady he wishes to marry.
His own parents are in agreement with him. The lady has all the
necessary capabilities to get married from the point of view of Islam
and the local rules of law as well as the social customs. Her parents’
refusal seems to be arbitrary. What I would like to ask is whether it
is permissible for my friend and the lady in question to elope and get
married on their own, without waiting for her parents’ consent. If they
do, is there any offence netmitted on their part? I understand that if
they travel 40 kilometres, then their marriage can be legally
sanctioned. How far is this true in the light of Qur’an and
sunnah.
A687 : Many people netmit the folly of considering
their present problem in the light of their immediate interests, as
they view them now. Sometimes they are not even interested in listening
to arguments which may question the wisdom of their choice. Moreover,
at the time people think of getting married, they are normally young,
full of life. They are unlikely to want to listen to voice of
experience. Young people tend to think that their feelings and
circumstances are unique to them. They imagine that a parent or an
elderly person cannot have ever experienced the same feelings and
cannot understand the intricacies of the problems they are facing.
Hence they think of a way to overnete the objections to their choices
or prejudices when they are raised. I must admit that I agree with my
first reader who says that the value of a man should not be measured by
his wealth or formal education. There is much more to the personality
of a man, or indeed a woman, than either of these considerations,
despite the great importance of education. I also applaud her statement
that she has no wish to disobey her father. That is the proper attitude
of good Muslim children, especially when it netes to the marriage of a
young woman. I am not sure what my second reader means when he says
that the lady who is at the centre of this marriage problem has all
necessary capabilities to get married on her own, especially when he
adds the phrase “from the point of view of Islam.” If he means that she
is of the right age and she has enough wealth of her own or that she is
wise enough to judge a person and his character, how can he tell that
this is “all” that is needed from the Islamic point of view? That may
be sufficient from the legal point of view in your part of the
world,but does it agree with what Islam says? The answer to this
problem is very simple. The father’s consent to his daughter’s marriage
is absolutely necessary for the marriage to be valid. The Prophet is
quoted to have said : “No marriage may be made without the presence of
the woman’s guardian and two responsible witnesses.” The majority of
scholars concur that a woman may not give herself away in marriage, but
her guardian must act for her. Nor can she give an authority to anyone
else to act for her in marriage. Moreover, a woman cannot act for
another woman in a marriage contract. [That is to say: even a mother
cannot]. As for the person who should be her guardian for marriage
purposes, there is no doubt that it is her father. If he is available,
then no one else may act for her. If her father is not available,
either because he is dead or mentally deranged, then her parental
grandfather or great grandfather may act for her. If she has no father
or grandfather, then her adult son may act for her. Next in line is her
brother. There are further details on this point to outline who netes
next. It should be said that the condition of a guardian to act for a
woman in her marriage does not detract from her the ability or the
qualification to make the right choice. Indeed any such guardian should
have her consent before he goes ahead with the marriage arrangements.
His presence is required not as a witness but as her representative.
This is an aspect of the honourable position which Islam assigns to
women. Moreover, it reflects on the seriousness with which Islam views
marriage. It is a family matter which is conducted by families.
Moreover, when the woman is represented by her family, this is more
conducive to ensuring that her rights are respected by her husband.
Besides, the nature of society Islam builds is one in which the woman
normally takes her natural position, looking after the future
generation. That is bound to limit her social activities a little. Her
judgement of people, especially of men and their characters, may as a
result need to be supplemented by that of other men in her family.
This is not the first time I am asked whether when a woman travels a
certain distance from her hometown, she may marry herself away. I find
it very strange. To start with, a woman must not travel on her own. If
she does, she violates Islamic teachings. To do it in order to evade
certain conditions in her marriage sounds like resorting to a backdoor
way in order to achieve something which cannot be done in a
straightforward manner. May I ask here: against whom is this backdoor
way employed? It is simply a trick to avoid Islamic rules. In other
words, it is a trick which aims to invalidate Allah’s instructions.
This is something to which a Muslim never resorts. There is no doubt in
my mind that if a woman undertakes such a journey in order to get
married without her father’s consent, she is disobeying Allah.
Furthermore, her travel does not affect the status of her marriage in
any way. The second reader asks whether the lady can elope with her
prospective husband. May I say that her elopement may give her the
legal convenience of being able to get married without interference by
her parents. But how can she get away from the rule of Islamic
teachings? If a woman marries herself away without the presence of her
father or guardian, then her marriage is invalid. The Prophet is quoted
to have said: “A woman does not marry another woman away and a woman
does not marry herself away. Only an adulteress gives herself away in
marriage.” Imam Ahmad and Abu Dawood relate on the authority of Aisha
that the Prophet has said; “Any woman who marries herself away without
the consent of her guardian, her marriage is invalid, invalid,
invalid.” These Hadiths leave us in no doubt as to the invalidity of
such a marriage. However, if a woman does marry herself away in this
fashion, without the presence of her guardian, the marriage needs to be
pronounced null and void by a judge or by the governor or ruler of the
locality. She may not be married to another man, even though her father
is acting for her, before such nullification of her invalid marriage.
If her guardian marries her away to another man before such
pronouncement, the second marriage is also invalid. Both need to be
pronounced null and void by a judge. The reason for this is the need to
spare the woman the problems of being claimed by two husbands. All
sorts of problems may arise and the less the possibility allowed for
them the better. After making such an invalid marriage, she is entitled
to retain the dower he has given her, if she has had intercourse with
the man who is her partner in it.
Our Dialogue ( Source : Arab News – Jeddah )