Q712 :In our part of the world, when a man dies his
widow is kept in isolation for four months. She is allowed to see only
closest relatives such as her parents, children, brothers and sisters.
Her movement into other rooms of the house is also restricted.
Sometimes, she is prevented from seeing men who nete to offer their
condolences. Are such restrictions based on Islamic teachings?
A712 : When a marriage is terminated, either by
divorce or by the death of the husband, the wife has to observe a
waiting period, which is known in Islamic terminology as “iddah”. The
name is taken from a root which signifies “counting, or ascertaining a
number”. That is because the woman must be careful to netplete her
waiting period properly. She must observe certain restrictions which we
will outline presently. She may not get married to anyone during her
waiting period, except in the case of a divorce for the first or second
time when she may be reunited in marriage with her divorcing husband
before the end of her waiting period. There are several reasons for
observing the waiting period, but the most important of these is to
ascertain that the woman is not pregnant. A pregnancy of a divorced
woman or a widow creates a new situation. Hence, it is important to
ascertain her condition so that, when born, the child is attached to
his real father. Some people may suggest that nowadays it is easy to
ascertain pregnancy through a test, but this does not waive the
requirement that a woman observe her waiting period which has other
purposes as well. The waiting period provides a breathing space for
the divorced couple to reconsider their situation. Their divorce may
have been the result of a misunderstanding and they may reflect that
their children are in need of care by both of them. A netpromise may be
worked out between them, which would not be the case if the woman got
married to someone else shortly after her divorce. Moreover, the
waiting period signifies that marriage is a very serious matter, the
termination of which cannot be approached in a trifling manner. It
requires a certain period of waiting which may cause restrictions on
both parties. The length of the waiting period differs from one case
to the other. A pregnant woman whether divorced or widowed, observes
her waiting period until she has given birth, whether that occurs only
a few days or nine months after the termination of her marriage. A
widow who is not pregnant observes a waiting period which extends to
four months and ten days. A woman who is divorced after the
consummation of her marriage has a shorter waiting period to observe.
This extends until she has netpleted three menstruation periods or
three periods of cleanliness from menstruation. If she does not
menstruate, her waiting period extends to three months. The waiting
period is also applicable when separation of the couple is ordered by a
judge as a result of the marriage being invalid. In this case, the
woman observes the same waiting period as a divorcee. The reason here
for the waiting period is to ensure that there is no pregnancy.
Whether divorced or widowed, a woman who has to observe a waiting
period stays in the house where she used to live with her husband
during their marriage. In other words, she stays in her own family
home, provided to her by her husband as part of his netmitment as a
husband. This applies even to a divorcee, but the divorcing couple must
use separate bedrooms. This is stated in the Qur’an: “Prophet, when you
divorce women, divorce them at the beginning of their waiting period,
and count that period. Fear God, your Lord. You shall not expel them
from their homes, nor shall they go away, unless they have netmitted a
clear indecency. Such are the bounds set by God; whoever transgresses
God’s bounds wrongs his own soul. You never know, after that, God may
bring about some new event.” This is the opening verse of the Surah 65,
entitled “Divorce”. As for its application to a widow, we have the
Hadith related by Furai’ah bint Malik who came to the Prophet and told
him that her husband went out seeking some slaves who had rebelled.
When he caught up with them, they killed him. She said to the Prophet
that her husband had no home of his own and left her without
maintenance. She asked the Prophet whether she could return to her own
people. The Prophet said that she could. When she went out of the
mosque, he sent someone to call her back. He then asked her to repeat
her question. After she did, he told her: “Stay in your (matrimonial)
home until your waiting period is over.” She reports: “I stayed in that
home four months and ten days.” There are certain restrictions which
apply to a woman in her waiting period. The main restriction which
applies to both a widow and a divorcee is that neither of them may get
married during their waiting period, unless a divorcee agrees with her
divorcing husband to be reunited in marriage. She may not get married
to another man while she remains in her waiting period. Other than
that, there is firstly the question of going out. The Hanafi school of
thought is strictest in this regard. It claims that a woman in her
waiting period may not go out of her home at any time of day or night
if she is divorced, while a widow in her waiting period may go out
during the day and early evening. Unfortunately, many in Islamic
netmunity have gone further than that and imposed even higher
restrictions. These restrictions apply mostly to widows. Most of these
restrictions smack of ignorance and backwardness. They do not rely on
any evidence from the Qur’an or the Sunnah. What my reader has written
about a widow not moving from one room to another in the same house is
perhaps the worst I have heard in this connection. What we have to
remember is that a woman who is observing her waiting period has not
netmitted any offense. She is either divorced or widowed. If it is
possible to think that she might have been the cause of her divorce,
she may just as well be blameless for it. Besides, her husband’s death
is an act of God. She may be experiencing intense grief. Is it fair to
impose on her unnecessary and unjustifiable restrictions? The question
of observing a waiting period is a religious requirement. Hence, we
must refer to Islamic teachings in order to know what is permissible
and what is not during that period. The fact is that a woman in her
waiting period may go out to attend to her legitimate business during
the day, whether she is a divorcee or a widow. This is clearly evident
from a number of Hadiths. It is sufficient to quote two of these to
confirm this view. The fist is reported by Jabir, a learned netpanion
of the Prophet, who says: “My aunt was divorced a third time. She then
went out to cut her date trees. A man who saw her reproached her for
doing so. She mentioned it to the Prophet (peace be upon him) and he
said to her: ‘Go out to cut your date trees. It may be that you give
some of it to charity or that you may do something good.” (Related by
An-Nassaie and Abu-Dawood) Mujahed reports: “A number of men fell
martyrs at the Battle of Uhud. Their widows came to the Prophet and
said: “Messenger of God, we feel very lonely at night. Is it
appropriate that we stay the night at the place of one of us, and then
go to our separate homes in the morning?” The Prophet said: “You may
stay and chat at the place of any one of you, but when it is time for
sleep, let each one of you go to her home.” This last Hadith shows the
limit of the restriction on going out. A woman in her waiting period
must spend her nights in her own home, but during the day she may go
out. At night she can go out only in an emergency. Further
restrictions that apply to a widow in her waiting period include that
she may not wear make-up or perfume or wear colorful or perfumed
clothes. According to the Hanbali school of thought, she may not cover
her face when she goes out. She does not wear her ornaments or jewelry
or do her hair. The only time she may use perfume is only for the
purpose of changing the smell of menstruation. These are the
restrictions of mourning that are placed on a widow during her waiting
period, and for three days only at the death of a very close relative.
These are the restrictions that apply during the waiting period. No
other restriction has any Islamic basis. It is merely a matter of
tradition which has nothing to do with Islam.
Our Dialogue ( Source : Arab News – Jeddah )